Let Go And Move On
by Attackme
Summary: It is better to let go than to hold on. Somethings are just meant to be forgotten and should be forgiven. I suck at summaries. Rated M for swearing, smoking and drinking and suicide attempt.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey there, this is my first Phineas And Ferb fanfic so please bear with me.**  
 **This also has multiple songs in it**

 **Songs in Order**

 **Unwritten Law - Seeing Red**

 **My Chemical Romance - I'm Not Okay**

 **Hollywood Undead - Outside**

 **The Amity Affliction - All Fucked Up**

 **Disclaimer: Phineas And Ferb belong to Disney. The lyrics of the songs belong the rightful owners. I only own the story.**

 **Read and Review please Thank you.**

* * *

PHINEAS

I woke up from my bed and the rays of the sun penetrating into my room through the opening in the curtains, I then just stared at the ceiling, another day another bullshit excuse. I got up from my bed and sat on the side. I looked at the clock on the bed side table and it showed 8:30 am. I rubbed my left eye and went to the bathroom to take a bath. Around this time my brother Ferb would usually say good morning to me but after we entered High School he moved out and lived in a house on the other side of town with her...with Isabella.

Isabella...the girl that loved me but I was too oblivious, the girl that did everything she can to get me to notice her but I was too fucking blind. I finally learned that she loved me when we were in Middle School but I was too late...her heart belonged to someone else...to Ferb.

Today usually I would get ready and ride my motorcycle to school but it was our summer vacation. I finished taking a bath and I went down to eat breakfast.

"Good morning Phineas, wanna have some bacon and eggs?" my mom asked

"Sure mom, whatever is available to eat, I'll eat it." I said in a fake tone

My mom smiles and serves me a plate full of bacon and eggs and I ate it all. I then looked around and noticed my Dad wasn't around

"Hey mom, where did dad go?" I asked my mom

"He left very early in the morning while you were still sleeping, he went to a antique convention in Los Angeles. Then after that he'll be in San Diego.  
Then he'll go to Dallas and after Dallas is England. He'll be back in five months." my mom explained

"Oh, okay then." I then finished my breakfast and went to my room and from my window I saw a black car and it parked in front of Isabella's house. I was curious as to who the owner of the Black Shelby Cobra is and after a while the driver's side door opened and out came my brother Ferb.

'Oh great...then that means...' as if on cue the passenger side door opened and out came my lost love Isabella.

I then grabbed my leather jacket from my closet, grabbed my phone and I grabbed the keys to my motorbike. I went down and grabbed my helmet from the hat rack. I then pretended to be calm

"Hey mom, I'll just go out, be back in a while." I said to her who was in the kitchen

"Oh your not gonna greet your brother and Isabel-" I didn't let her finish as I closed the door. I then saw the two of them inside her house and I thank Isabella's mom for rearranging the furniture in her home and now the couch where Ferb and Isabella were sitting on is facing away from the window.

I was also glad my motorbike was in the driveway. I placed the keys in the ignition and I placed my jacket and helmet on the gas tank. Without turning the ignition I rolled my bike a block away and after I rounded a corner I wore my jacket and zipped it, I took out the gloves I had from the left breast pocket and wore both riding gloves. I then wore my helmet and I mounted on my bike. I turned the ignition on and my Kawasaki Ninja roared to life and I rode off to wherever the wind took me.

FERB

Isabella and I drove from our house to visit both our moms. We drove for about thirty minutes and finally we arrived at the house of Isabella's mom. I was the first to get out of our car. I looked across the street to my old house and I saw a Kawasaki Ninja parked on the driveway. I was curious as to who the owner is. Then my beautiful girlfriend came out and together we entered the house. Instantly Isabella was hugged by her mother and she hugged back. It was my turn to get hugged and after the hug we sat down on the couch, the couch had been moved for seven times in the past five months, it was getting confusing for me already.

As me and Isabella sat on the couch waiting for her mother to come back with juice, I swear I heard the roar of a bike. We ended up talking with Ms.  
Shapiro for an hour or two. I then said we would visit my mom and Ms. Shapiro said to invite her and Phineas later for dinner. I nodded and went out the door, the bike I saw a while ago was now gone.

We crossed the street and I knocked on the door, we waited for a few seconds and when the door opened my step mom had a smile on her face

"Ferb! Glad you thought of visiting me too." she then hugs me "Isabella oh you look as beautiful as always." my mom said after letting me go

"Thank you Ms. Flynn-Fletcher." Isabella replied

"Oh I just wished Phineas didn't leave...I'm sure he misses you both." Linda said

"Where did he go?" Isabella asked

"He said he was going out and he used his motorbike"

"So he was the owner of the bike that was parked on the driveway?" I asked

"Why yes, he got it seven months ago."

"Why didn't he tell me?" I was curious as to why he didn't tell me

"I don't know, well the fact that you have been gone for a year now...well maybe he was going to surprise you." she tried to make an explanation

"I'll ask him later, oh speaking of later, Ms. Shapiro invited you and Phineas to dinner at her place." I said and we entered my old home.

We talked about school and how the year went by, then it went to us talking about what course Isabella and I would take up in college.

PHINEAS

I rode to a 7-11 on the edge of town and I bought a drink and a pack of smokes. I went to my bike and sat on it. I took out one cigarette and I placed the butt to my mouth and I lite it up, inhaling and exhaling the smoke.

'Fuck fuck fuck...where did I go wrong...where'd I fuck up?' I thought to myself

'Why didn't I see it sooner...fuck...god damn it why didn't I find out when I was still a fucking kid!' I was pissed off at myself

The hurt face of Isabella appeared in my memory and it reminded me of how bad I fucked up and I puffed away, I watched as the smoke I exhaled slowly disappeared into the air and that painful memory slowly disappearing in the fog of my mind.

I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and when I pulled it out I saw mom messaged me

"Phineas we're invited to have dinner with Ms. Shapiro."

"Shit..." I said randomly, I then placed my phone back in my pocket and continued to smoke my cigarette.

I stayed in my same spot and I then remembered the day I confessed to her...that fucking day

Flashback

I was in class looking out the window and after staring for ten minutes the bell rang signaling it was time to go home, I went ouside and sat down on the stairs nervously waiting for her to come out through the doors. After a while there she is Isabella Garcia Shapiro walking out from school. I looked at her and I was amazed at how beautiful she is. Her attire changed and so did her hair but damn did puberty hit her good. I was awestruck and I didn't know my jaw was dangling

"Hey Phineas, you better close your mouth or a fly would enter it." she said and I closed my mouth

'Come on tell her, before you miss your chance.' my conscience told me

So I gathered the courage to talk to her.

"Hey Izzy, can I talk to you privately?" I asked her

"Sure Phineas." she said

We walked away from the other kids, away from gossiping lips

"So...uhm...Izzy I wanted to tell you something..." here goes nothing

"What's that Phineas?" she asked curiously

"I never knew and I was oblivious for a really really long time..."

"Never knew and oblivious to...what?" she asked again with a curious face, damn she is so cute

"When we young I never knew you had feelings for me and I was too oblivious to see them, but as of a few months ago I've felt something inside of me whenever I see you, over time I ended up learning that I was falling for you Izzy...long story short I love you Isabella." I finally said it

"Phineas..." she said and tears were forming in her eyes "...I'm sorry..." I suddenly got confused isn't this the part where the girl jumps in joy?

"I don't get it..."

"...I'm sorry Phineas but my heart belongs to someone else..." she said while lowering her head

"...w-what n-no that c-cant be...who's your boyfriend then?"

"...it's..." she then turned her head to look behind her as a voice called her and the person I saw was no other than my own brother

"Ferb..." I whispered to myself

"I waited for you in front of the school, I thought we were gonna watch a movie together." Ferb said failing to notice me

"I was talking to Phi-" I cut her off by shoving Ferb

"WHY?! WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE YOU?! OF ALL THE PEOPLE THAT CAN WIN HER HEART WHY'D IT HAVE TO BE YOU?!" I yelled at my brother

"PHINEAS WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Isabella yelled

"WHY?!" I yelled at Isabella's face and I pushed her. I then watched her fall down really hard and I stared at what I did

"Izzy...I...I d-din't mean to..." I tried to explain

"Get away from me...get the fuck away from me...I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN PHINEAS!" she yelled and I ran, no I didn't go home I ran to the woods and god only knows how I ended up there. I cried, I was so fucking dumb, why didn't I see the signs way before...fuck my life.

My entire Middle School Year I tried to avoid any sort of contact with Isabella and Ferb. I would usually wait for him to leave the house and I would take the chance and leave or vice versa, I'll leave really early. But when I go home I don't make any plans since Ferb and Isabella would always go on dates everyday. Except dinner time I would eat early and go to bed early and it's been like that until Ferb moved out.

Present

'Great it will be the first time she'll see in me in what...three years...even though she used to live across the street...' by now I was feeling a bit drunk since I bought by accident an extra strong beer, I also flicked away my eight cigarette.

I then checked my pockets and I managed to find my ear phones, I placed them in my ears and I placed the wire inside my shirt, then I connected it to my phone and I touched the screen and I went to music and I played a song and the song I pressed was titled "Seein' Red", I rode off and I sang along to the song

I'm seein' red

Don't think you'll have to see my face again

don't have much time for sympathy

Cuz it never happened to me

You feelin' blue now

I think you bit off more than you could chew

And now it's time to make a choice

And all I wanna hear is your...

So follow the leader down

And swallow your pride and drown

When there's no place left to go

Maybe that's when you will know

Follow the leader down

And swallow your pride and drown

When there's no place left to go

Maybe that's when you will know

And foolish lies well can't you see

I tried to compromise

Cuz what you say ain't always true

And I can see the tears in your eyes

And what you said now

Can't stop the words from running through my head

And what I do to get through to you

But you'd only do it again

So follow the leader down

And swallow your pride and drown

When there's no place left to go

Maybe that's when you will know

Follow the leader down

And swallow your pride and drown

When there's no place left to go

Maybe that's when you will know

Well I confess, I don't know what to make from all this mess

Don't have much time for sympathy

But it never happened to me

You feelin' down I don't know where i'll be when you come around

And now it's time to make a choice,

And all I wanna hear is your voice...

NO ONE

Ferb, Isabella and Ms. Flynn-Fletcher were in Ms. Shapiro's home, they were a few minutes into eating dinner when the sound of a bike brought their eyes to Phineas who just arrived at the driveway of his house. He removed his gloves and placed them back in his breast pocket. Then his helmet and then his earphones and placed it back in the pocket where he got it.

Everybody then watched Phineas get off his bike and carry his helmet with him to his house. Then he paused mid walk and turned around and walked towards the house of Ms. Shapiro. They watched him cross the street and after a few seconds they all heard the door bell. Ms. Shapiro got up and walked towards the door and greeted Phineas.

"Oh my Phineas, look at how tall you've become...come you're late for dinner." She then walked Phineas towards the kitchen and sat him down between her and Phineas's mom. He had his head down the whole walk and when he sat down he tried to ignore Ferb and Isabella. Phineas grabbed whatever food he could see and got enough food so that he won't pause from eating.

He then couldn't help it and tried his best to look at the two people infront of him. Ferb's hair hasn't change but he no longer wears his old clothes instead he was now wearing a collard shirt. He then looked at Isabella and she had a simple ponytail and she was wearing a aqua cold shoulder shirt and he saw that she had three piercings on her right ear and he almost unconsciously lifted his hands to touched his own piercings on his ear.  
Phineas on the other hand besides his piercings, grew his hair and now it's up to his neck and he actually gained some weight.

"Phineas..." Ferb said "...how are you?" he asked

"Doing fine..." Phineas replied without looking at his brother

"Nice bike by the way."

"Thanks..."

"So what made you buy a motorbike?"

"To enjoy the ride."

"I haven't seen you in a long time, even though we go to the same school." Ferb said changing the topic and ate a spoon full of food

"Well, I had to do some things and well my classes were different from yours..." he tried to make a bullshit excuse

"Hmm, I see. Okay then." Ferb then returned to eating

'Thank God...' Phineas thought to himself

The entire dinner everyone except Phineas was talking about this, talking about that, etc. The night went on and Phineas managed to go home ahead of his mom and he left Ms. Shapiro's house. Once he entered his house he placed his helmet on the hat rack and went directly to his room, he removed his jacket placed it on his closet and sat on the side of his bed, he then looked out the window and he could clearly see Isabella in her old room. She's recollecting memories. While was she reminiscing Ferb walked into her room and hugged her from behind. Phineas watched as they laughed together

'That should be me laughing with her...' he thought to himself while watching the two across the street

Ferb then turned Isabella so she would face him and they shared a passionate kiss. Phineas couldn't handle watching them so he pulled out a bottle of vodka from under his pillow and he drank it. Instantly his face heated up and he felt dizzy, he placed back the bottle and fell asleep on his bed.

The following morning Phineas woke up and looked out the window to see Ferb's car still parked in front of Isabella's old house. He then went to the bathroom and took a bath after he was done he wore cargo pants, he wore his black and orange checkered slip on vans, wore a simple grey shirt and he finished his attire with his only pair of black ear studs.

He went down stairs preparing his mask but as soon as he made a fake smile in turned to a frown. There eating breakfast with his mom was Ferb and Isabella.

"Oh you're up Phineas...go get some food, I prepared a lot." Linda said

"Morning Phineas." Ferb greeted his brother

Isabella just looks at him with a curious face, he ignored Ferb and Isabella and got a plate full of food and he sat on the couch eating alone.

"Is that where he eats all the time?" Ferb quietly asked his mom

"Actually he eats here all the time, that's the first time in a long time that I've seen him eat there...something must be bothering him..." Linda looks at Phineas "...he started doing that a few years ago."

Isabella looks at Phineas and watched him eat while looking at his phone. He somehow finished before everyone else, he then said he's going out and Linda didn't bother asking him where he was going. Phineas turn his motorbike on and rode away from his house away from the two guests in his home. He ended up riding to the city park and he parked his bike on the proper parking area and he went to a nearby restaurant and ordered lunch and a bottle of beer.

As he sat and didn't had to wait long for his order to arrive, he started eating and as he was in the middle of drinking his beer he glanced outside and he almost spilled his drink, the street across Phineas in another restaurant was Ferb and Isabella, Phineas didn't want to be seen by them both so he finished his food and drink, payed the bill and quickly left the restaurant hoping he wasn't seen.

He made his way to the park and went to parking area, once he was in the parking area he went to the smoking area and took out a cigarette.  
He made sure that no one would recognize him and he smoked away. He failed to notice two old friends of his walking down the pavement

"PHINEAS!" a high pitched male voice called his name and he saw Bajeet and Bufford

"Hey guys, what are you doing here?" Phineas asked

"Me and Bufford were just going to the park. I will relax while Bufford here...uh what was it that you were going to do?" Bajeet looks at Bufford

"I'm going to train some squirrels..." Bufford said

"Didn't we train squirrels when we were younger..." Bajeet asked "...you remember Phineas? Me, you, Bufford, Ferb and Isabella?"

Phineas tensed up after hearing Isabella's name

"Hey dinderbell, you okay? You tensed up all of a sudden." Bufford said

'No shit sherlock' Phineas mentally said "Oh uh...I'm fine." Phineas then puffed his cigarette

"Anywho...we're going now Phineas, nice to see you again." Bajeet said and waved goodbye, Phineas waved at the two departing friends.

Phineas was left alone again, finished his cigarette and went to his motorbike and went home.

ISABELLA (SHORT POV)

After me and Ferb stayed in my old house for the night Ms. Flynn-Fletcher invited us both to breakfast. When we were in the middle of eating Phineas came down and I watched him get some food and eat alone in the living room. I observed him as he was checking his phone. Boy did he change I saw he now had a rocker looking hair style and I saw his pair of ear piercings, I wondered why he got those. He then finished first and left the house. After breakfast Ferb and I went to this fancy restaurant and we had a great lunch. While we were eating Ferb looked outside and when I asked him, he said he thought he saw Phineas leave from the simple restaurant across the street. It's been three years since I last saw him...I told him that I didn't want to see him again and wow I never thought he would actually hide...

When I saw him last night I was actually glad to see him again and the way he had change in appearance and attitude...something's wrong with him...  
I can't help but to ponder on it.

I then received a text message from Gretchen, she told me that the fireside girls were to have a meeting. I replied and told Ferb about it and he nodded. After we finished eating we went to the meeting of the fireside girls.

Time skip

The meeting lasted about six hours and we ended up making plans on selling cookies again.

"That was a long boring meeting, well at least we'll be doing something...hopefully that scientist guy would buy a lot again..." I said to Ferb

"You mean Doctor Doofenshmirtz?"

We were driving home and we stopped at a traffic light, it was drizzling and out of nowhere Phineas passes us and that caught my attention. I looked at my boyfriend and he looked like he knew what was in my mind...we followed Phineas. We followed him until the edge of town and he stopped by a 7-11 and we watched him park his bike in a dry area and he went in and we saw he bought a bottle of beer and a pack of cigarette's.

I was wondering when did Phineas started drinking and smoking, then he sat on a chair outside and lit a cigarette and the way he acted was clear enough for me to know something was wrong.

PHINEAS

After I went home mom apparently left and I was alone, I was just in my room sitting on the window. Then my memory replayed Ferb and Isabella being intimate with one another...I opened the window, got my ash tray that I kept hidden and grabbed my pack of smokes only to realize I ran out.

'The fuck...I'm out...damn it...' I mentally said and i closed the window and hid my ash tray

So I went out and I decided to go to the same store I went to yesterday since I'm certain no one would see me there...As I was riding it started to drizzle...tsk, I just had my bike washed. When I arrived to the convenience store I parked my bike under a shelter and I went inside. By now the same memory played like the twenty sixth time and after I bought a pack and booze I went outside and drowned that memory away. After I finished my drink the drizzle ended and I rode back home and I isolated myself in my room.

For the past three weeks I kept the same pattern of my day I would often ride to the same convenience store, buy a beer and pack, then just ride around town then isolate myself in my room. My memory not helping what so ever. As each day went by, my mood was getting worse and there were moments where my mask broke and I had to lie really hard, to end conversations easily.

"Where are you going this time Phineas? Everyday you go out...and when your here you just stay in your room..." mom told me when I was going out "...is everything alright Phineas?"

"Yeah mom, I'm fine..." I put up a fake smile "...I'll be back later." I said and went out of the house.

Just as I went out I bumped into Ferb, I quickly prepared myself for what's to come

"Phineas...are you okay? Isabella and I have noticed that you were acting weird." Ferb said with his british accent and that worried me instantly

"I'm fine Ferb." I said while walking to my bike

"Are you sure?"

"Yes Ferb..." I was slowly getting impatient with him

"Where are you going today?"

"Just going to ride around."

"Ride around?" he asked while crossing his arms in his chest

'SHIT!' I panicked internally but I kept a neutral face "Yeah, ride around." I wore my riding gloves, placed my ear phones and wore my helmet.  
I then played a song before turning on the ignition.

Well if you wanted honesty, that's all you had to say.

I never want to let you down or have you go, it's better off this way.

For all the dirty looks, the photographs your boyfriend took,

Remember when you broke your foot from jumping out the second floor?

I'm not okay

I'm not okay

I'm not okay

You wear me out

What will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems?

(I'm not okay)

I've told you time and time again you sing the words but don't know what it means

(I'm not okay)

To be a joke and look, another line without a hook

I held you close as we both shook for the last time take a good hard look!

I'm not okay

I'm not okay

I'm not okay

You wear me out

Forget about the dirty looks

The photographs your boyfriend took

You said you read me like a book, but the pages all are torn and frayed

I'm okay

I'm okay!

I'm okay, now

(I'm okay, now)

But you really need to listen to me

Because I'm telling you the truth

I mean this, I'm okay!

(Trust Me)

I'm not okay

I'm not okay

Well, I'm not okay

I'm not o-fucking-kay

I'm not okay

I'm not okay

(Okay)

I didn't do my usual pattern, instead I went downtown and went to a bar and restaurant. I parked my bike outside and I went in and went to the bar. I ordered a mug of beer. I began to sip my beer when I heard an all too familiar voice.

"We saw him ride his bike to the edge of town and he just drank a beer and smoked some cigarettes." Isabella said and I panicked, they saw me three weeks ago...

I then took a peek and saw Isabella was with her friends Gretchen, Adyson, Holly and Ginger

"Phineas drinks and smokes? When did he start doing that?" I heard the voice of Gretchen ask

"I don't know, but I think it has something to do with what happend when we were still in Middle School." Isabella said

"Oh...that day...does he still live with his mom?" Gretchen asked again

"Yeah, why?" Isabella asked

"I'm just going to put my fist on his face for hurting you." I felt a shiver run down my spine and I took another sip of my beer

"Need some help in that Gretch?" Holly asked while cracking her knuckles

"Sure, why not." Gretchen said

NO ONE

Phineas finished his beer and payed the proper ammount of cash but he needed to take a piss. He then went to the unisex restroom. Without being noticed

"Hey girls, I'm just going to powder my nose." Isabella said and went to the restroom and apparently someone was using it but she didn't know it was Phineas who was using it

'Hmm, occupied. Oh well.' she mentally said

'FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!...' Phineas internally yells after taking a piss '...OF ALL THE FUCKING PLACES TO GO, I NEED TO GET OUT SOON.' Phineas washed his hands and unlocked the door. He was deep in thought that he failed to notice Isabella standing near the door. He bumped into her and both of them almost fell down but they managed to keep their balance

"Oh, I'm sorry I didn-" Phineas froze when he saw who he bumped into

"P-Phineas?" Isabella said

"I...I have to go..." he then passed by Isabella and made a bee line towards the door then to his bike.

"Girls, Phineas was here, come on!" Isabella said and they quickly left the right ammount on the table and made their way to Isabella's car.

Phineas by some luck was able to get a head start and rode as fast as his bike can, but the girls were not to far behind him. Instead of the main road,  
Phineas would take the back routes and alleyways just avoid traffic lights. The girls were still able to keep sight on him though but after a while they lost sight of the redhead and resorted to GPS tracking. They did an extensive search for Phineas and with some calls and miracles of technology they've located him. He was on the other side of the city and Isabella floored it. The GPS showed that Phineas was going out of town.

"Where is he going?" Gretchen asked Isabella

"I don't know but we'll find out. Also inform Ferb about this situation." Isabella said not removing her eyes that were glued to the road.

After fourteen minutes they were on the other side of town and they've almost collided with Ferb who quickly drove from his old home to meet up with the girls. They somehow lost the GPS signal of Phineas and had to resort to their eyes to look for signs that a motorbike was in the area.

"Isabella there's something on the road..." Gretchen said and Isabella carefully pulled the car to a stop and Ferb did the same. Adyson went out of the car and picked up the object on the road

"Guys do you know what this is, because I don't..." she said while walking up to Isabella's car "...it also looks like it was forcibly removed." she handed the object to Gretchen

"It appears to be a tracking beacon..." Gretchen then passed it to Isabella "...what do you think Isabella?"

"I don't know..." she then rolls down the window "...what'cha think babe?" she asked Ferb who got out of his vehicle

"It does appear to be a tracking beacon indeed and it looks like the type placed in vehicles for a reason. This means my brother is nearby then..  
look for tire marks." he said while walking back to his car.

Adyson walked alongside the road while the others were driving at a slow pace. Five minutes later she signals them to stop. There were tire marks and she knelled down to inspect it further.

"What you got?" Gretchen asked while leaning out the passenger side window

"Tire tracks, looks like from a motorbike..." she said and she inspects the area further and saw the tire tracks went into a dirt road "...follow that dirt road." Alyson said while holding on to the side of Isabella's car. Both vehicles drove in the dirt road and it lead them to a cliff side. They saw the bike of Phineas parked under a tree and they decided to leave their cars there too.

They walked for six minutes, Isabella who was in the lead signaled them to stop and be quiet. There a few feet was Phineas. She motioned for all of them to move at a slow pace and to remain silent. They all went to a bush a few meters away from the redhead. They watched him as he sat on the edge of the cliff, he pulled out his pack of smokes and lit one stick. He then brought out from his pocket his phone and he played a song and they all listened to him singing to the song

Someone left the door open

Who left me outside?

I'm bent, I'm not broken

Come live in my life

All the words left unspoken

All the pages I write

On my knees, and I'm hoping

That someone holds me tonight

Hold me tonight

Welcome to the world and all the land in it was wasted

The blood upon your hands and the wickedness that made it

Sing or scream it all and the memories keep fading

See the exit wound, dear God, what have we taken?

Guess I'll say a prayer and I'll kiss into the air

I'll look into the sky, send them straight to nowhere

We all dug the grave can't shake away the shame

Quiver in the sky but you're shaken all the same

You left us with the guns and all of them unloaded

Teach us how to shoot but you taught us how to hold them

All the weight of all the world is right between your shoulders

Heavy is the heart when the world keeps growing colder

Who left the door open?

Who left me outside?

I'm on my knees, and I'm hoping

Cause someone holds me tonight

Hold me tonight

Two sides to every story, here's a little morning glory

Breakfast off a mirror, dying slow, seems a little boring

Burning like a flag, walking straight into the breeze

Cause there's two types of people, you are weak or you are me, yeah

What's another lifetime? Like mine?

We all die a little sometimes, it's alright

Did you come to say your goodbyes to this life?

We all hurt a little sometimes, we're alright

So mothers hold your children don't you ever let them go

There is weakness in your grip and they are holding all the hope

Don't you ever let me go (don't you ever let me go)

Don't you ever let me go (don't you ever let me go)

Who left the door open?

Who left me outside?

I'm on my knees, and I'm hoping

Cause someone holds me tonight

Hold me tonight

Someone left the door open

Who left me outside?

I'm bent, I'm not broken

Come live in my life

All the words left unspoken

All the pages I write

On my knees, and I'm hoping

That someone holds me tonight

Hold me tonight

They silently watched for a few minutes as he cried and Ferb couldn't take it anymore. He got out of his hiding spot and approached his brother.

"Phineas..." the brit said

Phineas was scared for a moment but calmed down

"What are you doing here Ferb..." he asked

"The girls well..." Ferb said while scratching the back of his head

"Where are they?" the redhead asked and Ferb motioned for them to come out slowly the girls came out from the bush

"How long were you all here?" he asked looking at the ocean

"When you started singing." Ginger

"Oh..." Phineas said then puffing on his cigarette

"Phineas...can I ask you some questions..." Isabella asked and Phineas almost dropped his cigarette

"Ask me about what?" he said still looking at the ocean

"What happened to you...when did you start drinking and smoking..." she said

"First of all...life can change a person if that person went through some life changing event..." Phineas said while lighting another stick "...I started to drink and smoke after we graduated Middle School..." he turned around to look at Isabella with hurt and anger in his eyes "...are you satisfied?"

"Change you how? Was it because I was with Ferb already when you confessed to me in Middle School? Was that the reason why you changed?"  
Isabella asked

Phineas turned his head to look at the ocean again not saying a word and the others could see his left eye twitch.

"Was that it? Phineas?" she asked again

"Answer my question Phineas." she said putting a bit of pressure on the redhead

"Also did changing caused you to drink and smoke?" she was now pressuring him a bit hard

"Are you going to answer me Phineas or are you going to act immature?" Isabella was now getting impatient with the redhead

"Isabella..." Ferb suddenly spoke "...I think he dosen't want to answer you right now...maybe next ti-" Isabella turned her head at her boyfriend and to cut him off

"NO! I WANT TO HEAR HIS ANSWER NOW!..." she then turns her head back at Phineas "...STOP BEING IMMATURE PHINEAS AND ANSWER ME.  
RIGHT THIS INSTANCE!" Isabella yelled

Phineas finally popped a vein and he got up from the edge and walked up close to Isabella

"YES! I CHANGED BECAUSE OF THAT FUCKING DAY! YES MY DRINKING AND SMOKING WERE PART OF THAT CHANGE! YOU KNOW HOW FUCKED UP I WAS AFTER THAT? YOU AND FERB WERE THE REASON I CHANGED! WHY'D YOU THINK YOU COULDN'T SEE ME BACK THEN IN MIDDLE SCHOOL?..." he paused a moment as he clenched his fist and gritted his teeth "...I WAS AVOIDING YOU TWO BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO SEE THE BOTH OF YOU! I WAS JUST DOING WHAT YOU YELLED AT MY FACE...THAT YOU DIDN'T WANT TO FUCKING SEE ME!"

Isabella and the rest were silent and Phineas couldn't take it anymore, he picked up his phone and went to his bike and he rode back home. When he got home it was almost night, he parked his bike next to a blue convertible and he wondered who was the owner. He walked inside and first person he saw was his sister Candace who went home for her summer break.

"Hey Phineas...you okay." she said and he had a hunch that Isabella or Ferb called her

"Who told you?" he asked ignoring the question

"Both of them, they told me after you left them, that was the time I arrived." she said

"Then why would I have to answer your question, you should know it already." Phineas said placing his helmet on the hat rack and removing his jacket.

"Phineas...I'm your older sister, it's my responsibility to take care of my brothers when mom's not around." she explained

"I don't want to talk anymore..." Phineas said and went up to his room and he isolated himself again.

CANDACE

I may have matured and I've stopped busting my brother...but I'm his older sister, I worry for my little brother.

'When will he forgive them?' I mentally said while sitting down on the couch

'Well, at least he's not cutting himself anymore...' I then looked at the ceiling and remembered the aftermath

Flashback

I was chatting on the phone with Stacy, it was already dark when Phineas walked in and he was covered in dirt.

"Uh, Stacy I have to go." Stacy said goodnight and I hung up

"Phineas, why are you covered in dirt?" I curiously asked

"I...uhm..." I watched him and I saw tears forming in his eyes

"Phineas..." I said in a caring tone as I walked near him

"I..." he couldn't continue as the tears were ready to spill

"Phineas..." I said as I was standing in front of him "...what happened?" I asked while I knelled on one leg

"..." he just started crying and my sisterly instinct made me hug him in an effort to comfort him, he wrapped his arms around my neck and he cried and cried and cried until my entire shoulder was soaked.

When he stopped I didn't bother asking him anymore and I told him to take a bath. After he went in I heard the shower turn on and I left him alone.  
The weeks that went by, he wouldn't say what was wrong and I kept it to myself. But one day I saw he was scratching his arm and I watched him go to his room, I then followed him

"Phineas?" I knocked on the door and I heard him tell me to enter.

"Hey Candace..." he said as he sat on the side of his bed, Ferb was out of the house "...what brings you here?"

"Why are you scratching your arm a while ago?" I asked sitting beside him

"Huh, I didn't scratch my arm." he said

"Then...what are you doing now?" I asked while watching him scratch his arm

"Damn it..."

"What did you do..."

"I guess the jig is up..." he paused for a moment "...did you know that Ferb and Isabella are...are..."

"Dating one another? Yes I know..." I then frowned, I knew Isabella had a crush on Phineas but he was too oblivious

"How long have you known..." he asked while looking at me

"Last month...she, told me that she can't take it anymore and I said that you'll see her efforts in no time but..." I paused as I tried to recall the rest of the conversation

"But what?" Phineas asked

"...but she said she wasn't chasing your affection anymore."

Phineas just lowered his head

"Then a few days later I was walking downtown when I walked by Isabella at an ice cream shop and she was with Ferb...I went inside and Ferb told me that he had been in love with Isabella ever since you were young. He silently watched as Isabella tried to gain your attention over the years, but you were so oblivious. When Ferb learned that Isabella didn't have a crush on you anymore he confessed and pretty much that's when they started their relationship."

I then watched as Phineas silently weeped

"Would you tell me now why you're scratching your arm?" I asked

"I...I've...been cutting myself for the past few days..." my eyes widen at what my little brother said

"Phineas why?"

"I'm..." he grabbed his head and cried "...I don't know okay? I don't know why I'm doing this..." he then hugged me and I hugged him. We stayed like this until Phineas fell asleep in my arms.

He kept cutting himself almost on a weekly basis and he kept on doing it until he graduated, but then he ended up drinking and smoking. He was still unstable but at least he can control himself...somehow.

Present

I was reminiscing that I failed to hear the door open. Ferb then waved his hand in front of my face and I came back to reality. He was with Isabella and I watched as both of them sat down.

"I wouldn't go up there." I said to them

"Did you know all about this Candace?" Isabella asked

"Yes...I knew about the things that he did three years ago."

"Oh...when do you think he'll cool down?" she asked me

"He'll cool down overnight."

NO ONE

The following morning, just what like Candace had said Phineas cooled down. He was eating breakfast and not paying attention to his surroundings.  
Candace was sitting in front of her brother sipping her morning coffee when the front door opened and Ferb walked in.

"Oh morning Ferb thanks for stopping by." Linda said while walking up to hug him. Isabella was also with Ferb and Candace watched as Phineas sped up eating his food and he quickly washed the plate and utensils that he used. He bolted to his room and after a few moments he went out without even saying where he was going.

"Where is he off to this time..." Linda said

"I don't know mom." Candace said

"I'll follow him, stay here Izzy." Ferb said and he rushed to find his brother.

Ferb got in his car and drove around the city looking for his brother. He finally found Phineas's Kawasaki in the parking lot of the park. He parked his car and search for his brother. He then spotted the redhead sitting under a tree.

"So how's the shade?" Ferb asked while sitting a bit close to his brother

"When will you all leave me alone?" the redhead asked

"We won't leave you alone Phineas, you have to come in terms with reality, that Izzy and I are in a relationship." Ferb told his brother

"It's hard..." Phineas said in a low tone

"Life is hard, it's not always easy, you experience good times and bad ones. Those make you who you are, in your case you've stick to just one and it's the bad one...if you continue to stay on that path then it will be hard for you to stray away from it." Ferb told his brother

'I'm already far too deep.' Phineas mentally said

"Things will get better..." Ferb looks up to the clear blue sky "...you just got to believe."

'How?' Phineas thought while looking at his british step brother

"I'll go now...remember what I said Phineas." the redhead just stared at the sky as the brit left him alone.

Two months went by and Phineas was getting worse both physically and mentally. He now was having depression and he was distancing himself from everyone. One day he was alone in his home and he went to his window, he opened it and took a stick of cigarette and lit it. He was shaking and he felt empty on the inside. He turned his phone on and played a song and as usual he sang along

When I wake up I'm thankful I slept through the night

'Cause that is the only time I feel alright

Keep my eyes closed so I sleep the sadness away

When I wake up I'm sure that it won't be the same

All the panic, depression, the hurt and regret

Lying to myself "I don't think of death"

All the ups, all the downs, all the petty concerns

My whole world's imploding, I can't find the words

'Cause the truth is... I'm fucked up

The truth is that I'm all fucked up like you

Yeah we're all fucked up it's true

And the truth is, they don't hear the words we say

Yeah they all just turn away

If I wake up tomorrow just know that I tried

To find a way out without saying goodbye

All the panic, depression, the hurt and regret

Lying to myself "I don't think of death"

All the ups, all the downs, all the petty concerns

My whole world's imploding, I can't find the words

'Cause the truth is... I'm fucked up

The truth is that I'm all fucked up like you

Yeah we're all fucked up it's true

And the truth is, they don't hear the words we say

Yeah they all just turn away

Will you save my life

Or just say goodbye?

Will you save my life

Or just say goodbye?

Will you save my life

Or just say goodbye?

Will you save my life

Or just say goodbye?

Will you save my life

Or just say goodbye?

He wiped a tear away and finished his cigarette and went to the garage to get a long rope.

Isabella was in her mother's house she was helping in moving the furniture, Ferb came along to help her

'This is the twenty-second time mom had asked us to move the furniture...' Isabella complained in her head

"Where does your mom want this coffee table again Izzy?" Ferb asked while lifting the coffee table

"She said she wanted it near that wall." Isabella pointed to the wall next to where the couch is currently positioned

After Phineas retrieved the rope he went back to his room and placed the rope down on his bed. He sat on his computer chair and wrote his suicide letter

 _To whoever find my body_

 _I just want to say goodbye, I can no longer keep my facade, in the past I can not keep my anger and jealousy but they have been replaced with a never ending sadness..._

Isabella then felt something was wrong but she couldn't figure it out. She lets it slide for now.

 _I feel as if I'm in a abyss, where I will stay for all eternity...I feel as if I've let life down, not living in the moment...and I dwell in the past. I feel so lost,_  
 _lost in the path..._

Isabella then felt the same feeling a while ago

"Is everything alright?" Ferb asked while finally moving the last thing that needs to be move the television

"I don't know...I feel as if a bad moment is about to happen..." Isabella said while rubbing her right arm

 _I feel as if the light was intentionally turned off for me and I end up walking in darkness...wandering in the dark without anyone to guide me back to the right path..._

She then looks out the window to see Phineas just sitting on his chair, she should feel fine but she wasn't. She then went to the kitchen and got a mug and turned the coffee machine on.

'He's just sitting there...' she mentally said while waiting for the coffee to get a bit hot '...but why am I still worried?'

 _I don't want to bother anybody anymore...so that is why I took my own life...I'm sorry for doing this, sorry for killing myself...farewell to all...especially to my lost love...Isabella Garcia-Shapiro may you find peace and be happy with your life_

Isabella then felt as if her name was being mentioned. She then pours herself a cup of coffee and proceeds to sit down on a chair in the kitchen.  
She took a sip and went into deep thought about what she's suddenly feeling.

Phineas folded the paper and placed it in the pocket of his pants and went out to the backyard. He then looks at the tree that's been in the same spot ever since he was little, all the fun memories he had when he was young played in his mind and it ended on that fateful day. He felt a single tear fall and he quickly wiped it away. He then loops the rope to make a hang noose, he dropped the rope on the ground and got a stool and brought it outside.

He placed it under a branch that's high enough and he ties the other end of the rope. He then placed the noose around his neck and tightened it, he took out his phone and typed a message.

After he was done typing his message he pressed send and at the same time he kicked the stool and he was instantly dangling, he let's go of his cellphone as he was quickly loosing much needed oxygen to live. Slowly his vision was getting darker and darker by the second. He then heard a faint sound but he was starting to feel cold, suddenly he felt as if someone was holding him by his legs and he heard someone shouting but he couldn't hear the person properly and that's when he closed his eyes.

A moment ago

Isabella got up from the chair she was sitting on to move to the living room to sit down with Ferb on the couch. As she was nearing Ferb she felt her phone vibrate, she then saw she had a message from Phineas, curiosity made her read the message

 _Dear Isabella_

 _I'm sorry...sorry for everything...I hope you can forgive me...by the time you read this I'm probably dying or dead...goodbye_

She felt as if everything slowed down and she unconsciously let's go of her mug. Her eyes were glued to her phone and when her mug finally hits the floor (miraculously not breaking) with the contents spilling on the floor everything went back to normal speed, she threw her cellphone aside and she bolted out of the front door ignoring Ferb shouting what was wrong.

She ran towards the house in front of her old home and furiously knocked on the door, she then ran around the house and made her way to the backyard and she screamed at what she saw, Phineas dangling under the tree. Ferb wasn't far behind her when he saw his brother he ran towards him and hugged his legs and lifted him up in an effort to give him some oxygen. Isabella watched as Phineas's eyes closed and she began to cry.

"CALL FOR HELP!" Ferb yelled to Isabella and she quickly ran to the front of the house and screamed for help. Then appearing from a corner was the duo Bajeet and Bufford, both of them saw Isabella shouting for help and they both ran towards her.

"Isabella what is the matter?" Bajeet asked while running towards the screaming girl

"It's Phineas he...in the backyard...and..." she was now crying a river and she pointed to the backyard

"Stay with Isabella." Bufford told his friend and ran faster towards the backyard

"HOLY SHIT! PHINEAS! BAJEET CALL AN AMBULANCE NOW!" he yelled to the top of his lungs while running to help Ferb and Bajeet did what Bufford said.

Bufford helps in lifting Phineas and told the green haired brit to use the toppled stool to untie the rope. Ferb did what the former bully said and by luck managed to untie the rope with ease. Bufford gently puts Phineas's body down and Bufford removed the rope around the redheads neck. Ferb quickly placed his head onto his brothers chest and didn't hear a heartbeat nor breathing, he then preformed CPR to try and save his brothers life.

"Oh my goodness..." Bajeet said after he saw Phineas being placed on the ground "...an Ambulance is on the way." he said and comforted Isabella who was now a weeping mess

"Come on Phineas...don't die..." Bufford said while Ferb was still doing CPR "...come on...don't die..." Bufford then began to tear up

Ferb was still performing CPR when the Ambulance arrived, the Paramedics took over and complimented Ferb. The four of them watched as the paramedics loaded Phineas in the back of the Ambulance while one medic was doing CPR as two others lifted the stretcher in the back, once Phineas was secured the driver of the Ambulance turned the siren on and drove as fast as he can to the hospital. Ferb, Isabella, Bajeet and Bufford were in Isabella's car with Ferb driving, not failing to catch up with the speeding Ambulance.

* * *

 **Hello there thank you for reading my fanfic. Please do leave a review, any is accepted except hateful ones.**

 **Next chapters will be both a good and bad ending.**

 **I'm Attackme saying thank you for reading.**


	2. Good Ending

**Good Ending**

The Medics were able to bring back Phineas on the way to the Hospital but he had a weak heartbeat and he was placed in the ICU for a week. After that he was transfered to a normal room. Ferb was in the room with, Phineas reading a book when he heard a noise coming from the redhead he called everyone outside to tell them the good news.

LInda went in first and saw her son finally waking up after being asleep for a week. Next to enter was Laurence who was informed of what happened and he left early to go and stay by his sons side. Candace was informed and she along with Jeremy drove from the university to the Hospital without stopping anywhere.

Then came Isabella along with the Fireside Girls, and lastly Bufford and Bajeet. Somehow all the visitors were able to fit in the room. They all waited patiently for Phineas to come to. After a minute of waiting he finally opened his eyes. He looked around and saw all his family members and friends surround the hospital bed.

He instantly felt fear since he survived his suicide attempt. He feared that his parents will scold him for what he did, he feared that his friends will get mad at him and leave him forever. He teared up just waiting for the yelling to begin but it never came, instead Linda enveloped Phineas in a hug, he got confused at the action made by his mom.

"Phineas, my baby...I didn't know you were suffering from depression..." she said, tears forming in her eyes "...why didn't I see that you were suffering...why didn't I see through your facade..." she said holding on to her biological son as if he were to disappear. After a moment she let's go

Laurence then helped his wife get up and walked with her out of the room. Next to approach Phineas was Bufford and Bajeet

"Hey there Phineas, you scared me, you know? Please don't do that ever again." the Indian boy said

"Yeah Dinde...Phineas, what Bajeet said...good thing we were in the area..." the former bully then placed a hand on the redhead's shoulder "...as a former bully, I've learned the painful aftereffects when some commits suicide. You've got a lot to live for Phineas." Bajeet and Bufford backed away as Phineas's sister walked up to the bed

"I saw this coming before...but I never thought that you would actually do it..." she said then she started crying "...I just want to thank God that your still here with us. My little brother." Candace got up and walked back to be hugged by Jeremy

The subordinates of Isabella's troop unit stayed in her back as she and Ferb went near Phineas.

"Phineas..." Isabella said softly "...even though my heart now belongs to Ferb, you were the first one to gain it's attention. When I received that text and saw you dangling, I was scared...scared that the first boy that made me love was in death's door." Isabella teared up and Ferb comforted her

"I never thought you were capable of trying to kill yourself Phineas...please don't do that ever again...like what Bufford said, You've got a lot to live for." Ferb said while still comforting his girlfriend

Laurence and Linda walked back inside after everyone said what they had to say. Phineas then felt as if he was not empty on the inside, he felt as if a part of him that was long dead came back to life and he smiled, not a fake and forced smile. A genuine smile, a smile that finally made him forgive Isabella's decision three years ago. A smile that made him forgive himself for not letting go in the past. A smile to let him know that there's always a tomorrow. He then looks back at his past actions and he remembered how he acted at Isabella and Ferb, he then lets that memory fade away.

"I'm sorry...everyone...I hope you all forgive me for what I did to myself..." Phineas said

A month later

Phineas parked his motorbike at the driveway of his house, he just came back from the grocery and he had bags full of ingredients. He walked in and he placed the bags in the kitchen table.

"Oh your back, that was quick." Linda said walking into the kitchen

"There wasn't much people in the grocery store mom." Phineas said

"Well that's good." Linda said

Linda then prepares the food that will be served for lunch. Ferb, Isabella, Candace and Jeremy were to arrive later and for all to just have a happy lunch as summer is about to be over.

Then as the clock turned to twelve o'clock, Ferb, Isabella, Candace and Jeremy arrived at the same time. After saying grace they all ate and Phineas looks at everyone having a great time, he smile knowing that everything's going just well and that he didn't need to dwell in the past anymore.

'You were right Ferb, things did get better.' Phineas mentally said to himself as he enjoyed the company of everyone.


	3. Bad Ending

**Bad Ending**

As the Ambulance ran through traffic the paramedics were able to bring Phineas back but his vitals were weak. Once the Ambulance arrived at the hospital, the Doctors and Nurses were doing what they can to stabilize Phineas. As he was brought to the ICU, Ferb and the others watched from the other side of the doors.

They watched as the redhead was attached to a heart monitor and to a breathing machine and the Doctors and Nurses were trying to figure out in stabilizing Phineas. Ferb and the others were fearing the worse but they were hoping it wouldn't happen...but it did. Ten minutes later Phineas's heart stopped beating, the monitor showing a flat line. A Doctor then quickly told a nurse to get the defibrillator.

A nurse went out to quickly tell the gang to go to the waiting area and she quickly went back inside.

"CLEAR!" the Doctor shouted before placing the pads on the chest of the redhead.

His body shook and he didn't have a heartbeat. The Doctor charged the pads and tried again and resulting in the same. He tried again and again but it was too late. He ended up punching Phineas's chest and he had to be stopped by a fellow Doctor.

"Time of death..." another Doctor asked

"10:50 am." a nurse said looking at the wall clock then lowering her head

"We did what we can..." another Doctor said and he sounded defeated

"Oh God...why...why?" the Doctor that tried to save Phineas said while crying

"Someone please bring him out..." a Doctor said and he himself was ready to cry

A nurse helped the crying Doctor out and the gang saw them walk pass them and kept saying "I'm sorry.". Then the doctor who asked Phineas's time of death walked out and told everyone the bad news. They all cried and some of them fell down crying. Phineas's body was then covered in a white cloth as his body was brought out of the room.

Time skip

People were gathered in the cemetery, everybody present there were crying and it was lightly raining as if the heavens were weeping with them.  
Phineas's casket was brought out of the hearse. Ferb, Bufford, Bajeet and Jeremy were the ones who carried the coffin, they walked in a slow pace and after reaching the hole where Phineas will be laid to rest they went to the others. Bufford and Bajeet went to the area of the fireside girls, Jeremy went to Candace and broke down crying, Ferb went to Isabella and without saying a word she comforted him.

The people present were all mourning the death of Phineas, but Linda had it worse, she was a wreck both inside and out and her wailing was louder than others.

"Why...why didn't I notice the signs?! Oh God, please forgive me! I'm a terrible mother!" Linda said while on her kness and Laurence had to help her stand up and he just hugged his wife, him too a wreck.

"Phineas...how could you do that to yourself...you were talking to me...you were asking help from me...what kind of sister am I?" Candace said while looking at the coffin of her young biological brother.

"Phineas...have you forgotten what I said? That things will get better...that you just got to believe? How...how could you not remember?" Ferb cried harder.

Isabella was looking at the coffin of the redhead as she clutched tightly the suicide note that the hospital staff found in his pocket. As the coffin was about to be lowered Phinea's friends placed on top of the coffin different things that reminded them of him and when the coffin was lowered everybody threw roses and after that they all went home mourning.

Ferb looks back as the headstone was placed and it read

 _Here lies Phineas Flynn_

 _A friend, brother, inventor_

 _Who was lost in the darkness_

 _Who walked alone with no one beside him_

 _May God forgive and accept him into paradise_

 _He will be remembered_

 _He will not be forgotten_

 _Rest In Peace_

Time skip 10 years later

Candace and Jeremy were happily married four years after Phineas died and they had a son a year later, they named him Phineas in memory of the redhead, Bajeet and Bufford were both now working together in a company that they owned. Linda and Laurence were now both retired and were travelling the globe.

Ferb and Isabella were also married, they were married two years ago. After they graduated college both of them moved to Los Angeles to pursue thier dreams, Ferb became a mechanical engineer and worked for a well respected company, Isabella became an actress and an author.

All of them gather every year in the death anniversary of Phineas, they remembered the times when he was younger an how he gave them happiness, even after his death they've managed to refind happiness. Phineas will be forever in their memories and the happiness that he gave to them they forever keep in their hearts.


End file.
